Mitch Trubisky is Engaged destroying any chance that he will someday be my Son-In-Law

First of all I’d like to say that I’m very happy for Titty Boy, I feel like just yesterday we watched him blossom from a 21 year old kid to the beautiful bearded man who is before us today. Fuck if he isn’t the quarterback we thought he would be, everybody deserves happiness in life and I’m glad he’s happy enough to share his life with his Feyonce.

I guess I should have prefaced by saying nobody is good enough to date my daughter (I know she’s 4, but I have high standards) but there is a very short list of men who I have deemed acceptable for McKenzie to marry, do you want to hear them? Too bad you’re going to

1) Jonathan Toews, el captain. He’s a good dude, I could see him treating my daughter well, he would probably be a good dad too. Squeaky clean record, and he can’t grow a better beard than me

2) Anthony Rizzo, good italian boy, probably treats his mama right

You guessed it

3) Mitchell Jeffrey Trubisky

I don’t know why but as soon as the bears drafted this kid I knew there was something about him I liked. His teammates respect him, he has the chest to play in the NFL, and even though he hasn’t lived up to his draft status. I thought he would be the guy to bring the bears out of mediocrity, I wanted this so bad, more than anything

Mitch being engaged destroys any hope of mine that he would someday become my son-in-law. Somebody I could give a hard time to every time I saw him, someone I could drink an inexplicable amount of beer with, someone I can fire up the smoker with and bullshit with for hours until he leaves my house and I smile thinking about how happy he makes my daughter. I would love him like a son, and no matter what life brings our way I would still love him like a son unless of course he breaks my daughters heart…then I break his legs

So this message goes out to Mitch, I’m happy for you, I wish you the best in life, and you’ll always have a fan in me…and If your future marriage doesn’t work out you can always marry my daughter 18-20 years from now

You have my blessing

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