So here I am sitting in a hospital during a major health crisis, and everybody is acting so weird about it. Every one is wearing masks, you can’t walk more than 5 feet without seeing a hand sanitizer dispenser, and people throw the C-word around like it’s going to break into our houses and steal all of our shit. I for one think the media is blowing this Coronavirus out of proportion and in a few weeks it will be nothing more than a memory, but in the mean time here are a few things that are infinitely scarier than the Coronavirus

1. The dark

I know what you’re thinking, Mike you’re almost 30 years old how can you possibly be afraid of the dark, well if you are so confident why don’t you just live in the dark huh? You don’t know what’s lurking in the dark could be nothing or it could be a demon waiting to claw your freakin eyes out.

2. The feeling that you have to poop while on a long car ride

Pretty self explanatory, nobody likes that uncomfortable feeling of having to take a crap but you have to hold it so you don’t crap your pants it’s horrifying, will you not make it? or will it be a photo finish? I’m having nightmares just thinking about it

3. Baby Grinch

Eww dude just look at this thing, kill it, kill it with fire

4. McKenzie behind the wheel of a car

Everybody needs to be scared when this little maniac starts driving, she will run you off the road on her way to go get some fi fis (French fries)

5. Sharks with Guns

Saved the scariest for last. What makes the scariest animal on the planet even scarier? Ho ho ho if it has a machine gun. just imagine the terror of swimming at night and being no scoped by a great white are you scared yet? Because I am, more scared of that then the bitchass Coronavirus

Rant over