My Lunch from Hell

I would like to preface this by saying that this story is 100% true. And for the sake of all parties involved I’m going to leave names and places out of this.

At my work I occasionally get courted by Freight Company Account Managers, and occasionally i get taken out to lunch by said guys. I know my life is tough, you can thank me for my service whenever you wish. Now today I had a lunch date with a rep who has earned the reputation around my work as quite the character. This guy is different, very different, so different that I truly believe that 2 Chainz wrote his hit single “I’m Different” about this guy. So for the sake of the story we are going to call said guy, Guy.

I’ve had numerous lunches with Guy and pretty much every time I remember why I don’t really like going to lunch with Guy. Today was different though, why? Well I’m going to tell you can you just listen? We get to an undisclosed location (as a matter of national security I cannot reveal the name of the place) and immediately Guy grabs a magazine and pulls out his TWO cell phones.

I’m not exactly a joy to be around sometimes but I’m at least entertaining right? That wouldn’t typically be a big deal to me…but to be answering both phones non stop and reading a magazine is kind of shitty. Now remember this is 100% true. We order, and Guy orders a Ham and Cheese Sandwich. Not really but for the sake of this indiscernible location we will say Ham and Cheese. But what actually comes out to him is a nice Gabbaghoul sandwich; please keep in mind that this Gabbaghoul sandwich is not on the menu and your guess is as good as mine as to how it ended up on Guy’s plate. Well, Guy doesn’t like Gabbaghoul very much. Which would be the understatement of the century. He starts explaining to me how they Raise Gabbaghoul and how shitty the conditions are for this salty cured meat. I start getting depressed as all shit because it’s well, depressing as all shit.

So what does Guy Do? Politely say “Excuse me Mr. Waiter, I do believe I have received the wrong food item” oh Heavens no. He goes on to talk down on the waiter so bad that I had to give the guy the “Dude i am so fucking sorry” face half way through. The worst part. It didn’t stop there, he proceeded to ask for a menu to prove to the waiter that said item wasn’t on the menu and that he should have never received it in the first place. There was also numerous mentions that the waiter should have written down our order because the job shouldn’t be that hard. At this point we are about an hour into this lunch and I’m ready for a tornado to take me literally and figuratively anywhere but there.

The conversation quickly shifted from business to this whole incident. Guy started to take this whole thing personally as if said waiter was out to get him and that the world has somehow done this to him for some reason or another. I don’t know I gotta be honest. When I’m in places I really do not want to be I go into Autopilot mode and just nod and say “Wow that’s crazy.”

So upon receipt of the Czech. Rather than just letting this go Guy decides to up his antics because this is a totally acceptable way to treat another human being…especially the ones who handle your food. Instead of leaving a tip he left a 5 Dollar bill on the table with and remember this is true “You should buy a notebook”

I was mortified, we left, and here we are. Obviously I left a lot out for very obvious reasons but just remember to tip your servers because they really don’t have it easy. Imagine having to deal with YOU when your soup is either too hot or too cold. It sucks. And that is pretty much the moral of the story. Don’t be a dick to servers.

One Love

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