UPS Smartpost? More Like UPS Dip Shit Post

As some of you may know, I’m a big Stoolie. In terms of content that i absorb Barstool Sports pretty much owns my drive to and from work Monday through Friday. So like a normal fan would i decided to Purchase some merch from two of my Favorite Podcasts to support the cause. Everything is good, everything is grand. Until UPS got their scumbag hands on my package. It defies logic as to why a company who typically has great service cut costs by handing off their packages to the United States Postal Service for the final leg of the delivery of a majority of the packages i order. I am a very impatient person. Jeff Bezos (Spelling? Don’t care) and Amazon Prime has spoiled us and the fact that UPS Smart-post expects us to wait an extra week to receive a package that would normally take 2-3 Days to get is not only infuriating but it feels like it should be criminal.

Fast forward to today. I ordered this merch three weeks ago. And for the past three days my package has been going back and forth between Palatine, Illinois and Wonder Lake, Illinois. I live in Woodstock…does anybody else see the problem here?

I attached the legitimate tracking history of the package to show exactly what i am talking about. You really can’t make this up. But wait, this story is just getting started. The Customer Service for whoever is delivering this package is god awful, so you literally have to trade the soul of your first born to actually talk to somebody. And on top of that the associates that i spoke to today gave me zero indication that anything would be done to figure this shit out. You would think the idiots at the Postal Service would see this and be like “Oh i think we made a mistake somewhere and we should look into it” but no. They are sitting in their stupid shorts with their thumbs up their asses thinking “Oh LeTs JuSt ThRoW iT bAcK iNtO tHe SoRtInG mAcHiNe, I’m SuRe It WiLl FiGuRe ItSeLf OuT”

So fast forward to a Supervisor calling me from Oregon (A lot they can do from 2,000 miles away but what the hell do i know I’m just a stupid idiot who believes that a company that has been around for over 200 years should have their shit together), and you are not going to believe this…They (It’s 2019) told me that they made a mistake and then proceeded to get on their Soapbox and blame this on the work ethic of Millennials, Which A) has nothing to do with why they can’t do their fucking job right, B) Doesn’t get me my shit faster, and C) Pissed me off because I’m a (you guessed it) Millennial and that type of thinking makes you sound like a Hardo Loser(My Opinion). I should probably add that they can not expedite me my package because it wasn’t a guaranteed shipment. Yeah, because i planned on these window lickers losing my shit. The Logic behind this is mind blowing.

Now i felt like arguing and called this asshole out on this, and they pretty much told that there was nothing that they could do…Which makes me feel great knowing that they just deliberately wasted my time. So here we are, My package is Basically Tartarus, forced to an eternity of being delivered back and forth between Wonder Lake and Palatine.

UPS Smart Post needs to change their name to UPS: You’ll get your shit eventually. And maybe just see this all the way through not,handing the ball off and forgetting to block.

The United States Postal Service needs an ass whooping,

And i need a Drink.